I’ve thought a LOT about it. It can completely consume me.
Completely being honest here. A gut feeling. A subtle nudging. A whisper I cannot ignore ANYMORE.
Sometimes we are asked to talk about something that is close to our heart. Or to share with someone about something we love, or WHO we love, more specifically Jesus. I know you must know by now based on my multiple posts and shares that I believe. I believe in the ONE true God, that Jesus is my Savior and YOURS TOO. But….
Maybe what you don’t know is that I am also a believer in something else.
the ugliest thing. ugliest word. ugly.
comparison. perfection.
ok, that’s two ugly words. :*(
This is just one girls perspective. This is one Christian’s heart exposed. This is me.
Christians are believers. They love, trust, believe and honor.
But as human sinners, we ALSO hate, envy, fail and compare. 🙁
We are sinners. ALL OF US.
I’ve been prompted to write about what God wants me to say more times than I can write here (ok, hundreds, maybe more!) for several years. yes years.
God loves us. He loves you. He loves me. He does not love sin.
I am human, not perfect. Jesus is. And because of my need to compare and judge and feel better and not fail, I fail immensely more because I am trying so hard to match what the world says is best. What the world and people and social media say is truth. What they say is perfect or beautiful. Inside, outside, my house, my work, my child, my posts, my life.
So here’s a bomb drop for those of you who don’t spend time around me…I cuss sometimes. I try really hard not to, but sometimes it slips. I despise how I feel afterwards and always confess. But that’s not the worst of it. . . 🙂
I often compare. That IS the ugliest word I believe, comparison. I question what God has blessed me or my family with, meanwhile attempting to present the best. I SAY I am not perfect all the while spinning plates, balancing on my tippy toes, hopping up and down, whistling (no I can’t whistle) and smiling, saying, “aren’t I good enough?!”.
Its EXHAUSTING.
When you see me, do see how exhausted I am? Aren’t we all just a little tired. Tired of pretending.
Tired of the comparison game.
My kitchen is a DISASTER (see…my pantry broke, but no real excuse for the rest!).
My heart is not perfect. My thoughts are often wrong. My fears can consume me.
But here’s the kicker.
God LOVES ME ANYWAY.
say what?! this can’t be. When I think about the truth of me, I cannot stand it. It hurts me. I feel bad for those around me who buy into the game. I feel like a liar. But God still wants my heart.
I often feel left out. Because I believe.
I know it happens, but yesterday, yes, just yesterday I reiterated to God, “Lord, I just want to be someone who LOVES.”
If I can do that, well even halfway, I know I am doing what I am called to do. We are called to love.
Called to be selfless and loving, giving and forgiving,
JUST
LIKE
JESUS.
Today one of my devotions talked about putting on the armor of God.
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” (Ephesians 6:10-11, NIV)
Satan, not Jesus wants us to compare.
Be strong. Jesus is the breast plate. He is the shield. He is the sword.
I will rest in that…really rest.
In my sweatpants, bedhead and messy kitchen.
🙂
xo
take care, aw